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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22445560">stupidest man alive</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbymegumi/pseuds/enbymegumi'>enbymegumi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the skywalker actually rises in this one: the complete collection [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gingerpilot, M/M, Mutual Pining, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, author is on CRACK, deleted scene of tsarito, hux is such a bottom, i cannot, im sorry, poe dameron is a TOP, the skywalker actually rises in this one, when i say unresolved i really mean unresolved</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:21:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22445560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbymegumi/pseuds/enbymegumi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s never let anyone get this close before. Absolutely no one.</p><p>But now, feeling Dameron’s hands on his, Dameron’s curls tickling the nape of his neck, Dameron’s chin bumping the top of his shoulder - he’d die before he let anyone who isn’t Dameron touch him like this again.</p><p>“How does it feel?” Dameron asks suddenly, his voice low and husky, and Hux almost jumps out of his skin. </p><p>He cannot possibly be implying- </p><p>“What?” Hux squeaks.</p><p>Dameron’s breath brushes against his ear once more. “Doing the dirty work for once.”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Hilarious. Just kriffing hilarious.</p><p>---</p><p>In which the author has been bullied to write this (somewhat) steamy deleted scene from chapter 12 of TSARITO (the skywalker actually rises in this one) which is my OG multichapter work. Enjoy the gay juice yall.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron &amp; Armitage Hux, Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the skywalker actually rises in this one: the complete collection [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615147</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>stupidest man alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>wasn't intending to write this in the actual story, as some of you may know, but the people hath asked so i shall provide.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dameron, that sly little shit.</p><p>Of course he’d refrained from telling him how ridiculously <em> compact </em> the Falcon’s vents are. Hux realises only too late, when his legs are dangling down towards Dameron’s busy figure below. His boots gently knock against the small of Dameron’s back as he descends to join him in the array of technology he doesn’t understand.</p><p>Dameron turns around, and Hux finds his nose scant inches away from his own. His back presses against a panel of pipes and bumpy switches. He can count the pilot’s lashes from here.</p><p>Dameron holds up a slim metal tool. “Know what this is?”</p><p>“Hydrospanner,” Hux says as dismissively as he can, trying not to be distracted by the fact that Dameron’s entire forearm is flush against his chest.</p><p>“No, it’s a wire,” Dameron teases.</p><p>Hux snatches the tool out of his hand. “I’m not <em> that </em>uneducated.”</p><p>Dameron only smirks.</p><p>“Know how to use it?”</p><p>“Depends on what for,” Hux says stiffly. “I’d hate to blow up your disgusting ship.”</p><p>“Turn around,” Dameron instructs. “Behind you, there’s four bolts that need tightening.”</p><p>Reluctantly, Hux does as he’s told. And realises that he’s started digging his own grave again. Now Dameron’s entire <em> chest </em>is flush to his back.</p><p>That sly, scheming little shit.</p><p>Fumbling with the hydrospanner, Hux inserts it into the first socket he sees in the panel, but the head of the tool is too large to fit.</p><p>He’s on the verge of ramming it against the socket out of irritation, then Dameron’s arms snake around him and stills his tensed hands.</p><p>“Wrong way,” Dameron’s voice resounds, warm and amused, right next to his ear.</p><p>Hux looks down at the hydrospanner and pauses. He’d been trying to lodge its handle into the socket. He’s suddenly grateful Dameron can’t see his face - he can feel it reddening uncontrollably.</p><p>But before Hux can think of a defensive retort, Dameron takes the hydrospanner out of his hand, flips it around, and curls his fingers back over it. He half expects Dameron to let go and get back to whatever he’d been doing (although he certainly doesn’t hope for it. His weight and warmth is… gratifying, to say the least), but he guides Hux’s fingers tentatively along the hydrospanner, explaining the different ridges and knobs, “What you were holding is the data port. Hold it like- no- okay, yeah, yeah like that. This part here’s the power cells, inside you have the hydraulic compression cylinder, that tiny bit- no, that’s the extendable drive- this one here, next to the tension adjuster…”</p><p>They journey up the tool, until Dameron is sure he has been fully acquainted with it, and he steers their hands towards the bolt in the socket again, their fingers still intertwined around the handle as it finally twists into place.</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Dameron whispers and Hux almost shivers.</p><p>He’s never let anyone get this close before. Absolutely no one.</p><p>But now, feeling Dameron’s hands on his, Dameron’s curls tickling the nape of his neck, Dameron’s chin bumping the top of his shoulder - he’d die before he let anyone who isn’t Dameron touch him like this again.</p><p>“How does it feel?” Dameron asks suddenly, his voice low and husky, and Hux almost jumps out of his skin. </p><p>He cannot <em> possibly </em>be implying- </p><p>“What?” Hux squeaks.</p><p>Dameron’s breath brushes against his ear once more. “Doing the dirty work for once.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>Hilarious. Just kriffing hilarious.</p><p>“It’s not quite enough to get me excited,” Hux scoffs.</p><p>They finish with the first bolt and move on to the second one.</p><p>“Shame,” Dameron says, and Hux wants so badly to turn around to see his face. He can hear the smile in his voice. “You have the hands for it.”</p><p>Hux has literally no idea what to say to that.</p><p>So he remains silent, and they move from the second bolt, the third, the fourth, Dameron’s hand covering his the entire time (even though Hux is blissfully ignorant that one demonstration is enough to familiarise him with the process. He probably couldn’t complain if he tried).</p><p>They lapse into a strange but accommodating silence, only occasionally punctuated by Tico and the Bow Heathen (who had interestingly turned out to be an ex-stormtrooper like FN-2187) talking at the dejarik table above them.</p><p>“It sounds a little more complicated when you put it like that, but yeah,” he hears Tico sigh. “It’s like the map to Luke Skywalker all over again.”</p><p>“Oh, tell me about it,” grouses the Bow Heathen. “Kylo Ren went half mad going after it. He destroyed what must have been thirty computers in a week.”</p><p>He remembers that. He remembers entire control panels being razed to the ground and the entire bridge screaming in unison when Ren’s saber nearly came in contact with the main viewport.</p><p>Hux lets out a sarcastic chortle.</p><p>Which might have been louder than he intended it to be, because the Bow Heathen hears him and yells, “You don’t get to laugh at that, General! You’re no better than a womp rat’s ass!”</p><p>Hux bristles. “At least I don’t throw tantrums like a karking <em> infant-” </em></p><p>“Shhh,” Dameron hushes, warm breath fanning out against his cheek.</p><p>The sensation alone is enough to let his argument die.</p><p>Dameron finally lets go of his hand, and Hux immediately misses the heat (he’ll be damned if he ever admits it, though). So instead, he traps it between his own shoulder and the wall of the vents. For a moment he stops and listens to Tico and the Bow Heathen talk among themselves, and he lets his thoughts run wild.</p><p>“What do you think they’ll do to me?” Hux blurts out.</p><p>“What?” Dameron sounds genuinely taken aback.</p><p>Hux turns around, slowly, and Dameron slips his hand from Hux’s shoulder to trail along his slender bicep.</p><p>“You’re obviously going to have to bring me back to the Resistance.” He leaves his voice bitter and full of implication. If this goes over Dameron’s head, he’ll officially give the Supreme Leader a run for Stupidest Man Alive.</p><p>The pilot pauses, lashes dipping so his gaze is in line with Hux’s collar. He stands there, unblinking for a couple of seconds; Hux is tempted to tilt his chin upwards again like he did during their escapade from the First Order.</p><p>“They don’t trust you, and I don’t blame them. You… did hurt a lot of us, Hugs,” Dameron finally confesses, so earnestly that Hux can’t even be bothered by the nickname. But then Dameron looks back up and catches his eyes, his own flaming with a determination Hux has never seen before. “But I promise you, no matter what happens, I won’t let them hurt you.”</p><p>The words stun him like a blaster. No one’s ever… done that for him before. He’d expected some degree of exile, or torture, or even death, which he’s braced himself for all his life. His mind is thrown into a flurry of automatic responses.</p><p>
  <em> I don’t need your protection. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I don’t need your sympathy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I don’t deserve this. </em>
</p><p>They’re so close now, Dameron’s lashes are drawn like gutters once again, and his heart skips a beat when he realises he’s gazing at his <em> lips. </em></p><p>“Dameron,” Hux breathes, leaning in. “I don’t-”</p><p>Tico’s frantic shout rips through the halls of the Falcon, amplified through the vents. “Guys! Have you seen Rey?”</p><p>As if scalded, both of them pull away from each other. Hux feels his heart drop into his boots. Dameron’s attention has already snapped to the source of the interruption.</p><p>“What do you mean, have we seen her?” he bellows back, climbing up the pipes and out of the vent. “Isn’t she in the fresher?”</p><p>“The fresher’s goddamn <em> empty, </em>Poe!”</p><p>Hux sighs.</p><p>“Out you come, General,” Bow Heathen appears above him, an arrow set to her bow. Then she frowns. “How the hell did you two manage to fit down there?”</p><p>“Dameron’s a small man,” Hux sneers, as he clambers out of the vent and brushes himself off.</p><p>Bow Heathen regards him with a strange look. “I’m surprised you didn’t gut him.”</p><p>Hux lets out a shaky exhale. “Me too.”</p><p>By Force, he nearly <em> kissed </em> him<em>. </em> General Armitage Hux of the First Order nearly <em> kissed </em>Commander Poe Dameron of the Resistance.</p><p><em> Maybe</em>, Hux thinks, as Bow Heathen prods him forwards and out the Falcon, <em> maybe I’m the one competing for Stupidest Man Alive. </em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>to be continued in chapter 13 of <em>the skywalker actually rises in this one.... </em></strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>more deleted scenes to come!! *cough* reylo force bonds *cough*</p></blockquote></div></div>
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